you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
