At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
