I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
