She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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