She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
