You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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