my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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