He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
