someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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