Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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