The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
be right there i have to get my cape
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize