Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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