I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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