Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize