woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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