Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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