I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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