I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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