Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize