I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
