were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
