He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
