even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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