I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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