Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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