remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize