I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
