Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
