I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
