i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
