So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
