if you like me you must not know who I am
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
