just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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