if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
