I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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