I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
