Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
