Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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