what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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