I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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