Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
