So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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