So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
