mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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