I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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