Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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