physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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