My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
