There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
