I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
