ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
