I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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