can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
