Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize