closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I currently don't understand fingers.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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