I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
