im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
