that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
