He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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