woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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