this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
