Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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