all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
