I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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