Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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