When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
