Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
There's even glitter on my cock...
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