Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
