I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize