i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
