Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
